Being 'SOME' Parent

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

I was reminded yesterday of a journey that began 10 some years ago, when we became a parents. I was a nervous wreck, who was not only terrified of the whole pregnancy, but mostly, that I was responsible for the complete well being of a cuddle-some little life form – for a good long time. My husband shares these responsibilities; he is busy worrying to keep us all financially healthy and safe. So, began our journey, with some butterflies in our stomachs, as a worry-some, twosome, as parents of one. 

 

Over these years, in our small family of threesome, we’ve watched a lot of things grow – soft toys, doll-sets, Lego® collections, shoe sizes, garden, weeds, piles of laundry, recipes, chore-lists, (ahem, waistlines), forehead-lines, wrinkles, bills, jars of pennies, stacks of homework, permissions slips, craft attempts, snack food selections, tolerance of clutter, thank-you cards and such things. And within it all – my little mirth-some bundle is growing up into a giggle-some almost middle schooler.

 

At first, I was at every conceivable cup cake party and coloring marathon at school, volunteering, helping, crafting, buying, restocking . . . (did I say helping??) and more. Although not as much as other some parents, I was trying to be a help-some parent (as much as I could be). 

 

However, as educators and their classes yearned for autonomy, this became cumbersome for both of us. Don’t get me wrong, I love my school and we have a great band of volunteers, but the subtle one-upping, the accidental whisperings became bothersome, burdensome, drear-some; I was not going to play that game, so, I stepped into the shadows and became some parent.

 

Within those shadows, I found the space to become a different kind of ‘some’ parent. There was room to grow, to find the wholesome, humor-some part of parenting. My attention shifted – I had to help my child become a better person, not just grow up to be ‘some’ person. I wasn’t going to be ‘some’ parent, I was several ‘some’. I became . . . 

 

. . . the ‘Venture-Some’ parent: respecting that Life is an adventure, but recognizing that to be in it and to enjoy it fully, we had to chart the course, ourselves, by removing the boxes, the frames and changing definitions. I started with myself.

 

. . . the {Healthy} Fear-some parent: differentiating between discipline, responsibility, unwarranted anxiety and outright stupidity. My child knows *exactly* when to fear me, when to fear her father, when to fear us both at once and most importantly, when to fearlessly speak her mind. Having a healthy fear can be a good thing.

 

. . . the Truth-some parent: I don’t handle untruths very well, from a child or an adult. Untruths make us all irksome. The scars of truth are shallow, but a lie can stab deep enough that one may never heal.

 

. . . the Whole-some parent: knowing that in order to be truthful, one must be wholesome in mind, body and spirit. Keep it clean - what goes on your body & what is in it, including TMI. Yes, it is a big category.

 

. . . the ultimate SO-cial ME-dia parent: staying aware, watching, asking, talking, sharing – finding strength within my diverse, truly global community of friends. I am not just some parent, but working on being a better ‘SO-ME’ parent.

 

. . . the AWE-some parent: the Always Watching Everything SO-ME parent. Being there means being aware – of my child and everything around her, as much as I possibly can.

 

I may not be able to do all of it 110%, and not everyone will agree. I cannot just sit by and not be part of it all. I believe that parents are enablers - in helping their children make sound life decisions. And I want to be that parent. My daughter moves onward into another phase of her life - into her own space, not just some space that is given to her. And, as stand with her, I will also be watching, choosing to be all these and then some.

 

Are you ‘some’ parent too?

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AUTHOR

Nandita Godbole

Once a botanist & landscape architect. Now a personal chef & author, an artist, graphic designer, blogger & closeted poet. Loves freshly brewed chai, the crisp salty ocean breeze, watching monsoon rains & walking barefoot through cold mountain streams. Believes in the strength, positivity of the human spirit. Is spiritual but not a fanatic. Mom of one. Two, if she counts her husband.

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